Things I learnt in my 18.53 years in India

FYI, I stole every picture in this blog post from the web. 

I, along with my parents and my nuisance brother, moved from Norway to India when I was 5, for who knows why. I have learnt a lot of amazing stuff and, of course, some weird stuff as well. Here are a few things I learnt in India.

You know you lived in India for too long when you know/realise:

  1. You should always order soup 1 by 2. So that you get more soup than ordering one soup with an extra bowl.
  2. You save money by giving missed call. But you can spend 70k rupees on a Samsung Galaxy S8.
  3. Saying ‘Hello’ in telephone means “I can’t hear you”.
  4. If you want to spread a rumour, say “Don’t say to anyone”.
  5. You call a older person whom you never met before as ‘uncle’ or ‘ aunty’.
  6. You should starve yourself before you go to a buffet party.
  7. You can’t eat chocolate unless you use all your 10 fingers & your entire face.kriti-sanon-beautiful-indian-ad-model-dairy-milk-ad
  8. You should always see the price tag before seeing the dress.
  9. If there is a sale in anything, you should buy 100s of ‘em.
  10. Experts love their lab coats. They wear it all the fucking time. Because your trust is directly proportional to how white their lab coats are.OralB_feature1
  11. You secure your baggage with a rope.
  12. Judge anyone and everyone.article-2487677-00128A4700000258-479_634x452
  13. You can go when the traffic light is red or some one is crossing the street, but you should always stop your vehicle when a cow comes by.
  14. Politics is the top paying profession.
  15. You should avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 km radius.
  16. A horoscope must decide your wedding date and your wedding night.
  17. Your relatives alone could populate a town.
  18. You are not allowed to talk about your period to anyone, but your parents throws a god damn party when you get your first period.
  19. As a girl, for your entire life. you were taught not to talk to a strange guy, but you should spread your legs for some stranger on your arranged marriage wedding night.
  20. All aunties thinks it’s their obligation to turn into matchmakers in any party.
  21. Families hire pre-wedding detectives to snoop on prospective brides and grooms.funnyinterestingfactsofindia3
  22. Guys get easily friend-zoned, or worse, brother-zoned.
  23. A motorcycle can accommodate 4 people.
  24. You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school. (This is based on true story; several 1000 times; especially when my dad is drunk and is 3 AM)
  25. Speak English, kiss French, drive German, dress Italian, spend Arab, party Caribbean. Copy all this like a true Indian.

…and much more.. Let’s just say this is part one. This list contains like 12.38% of what I have learnt.

India v Ireland - 2015 ICC Cricket World Cup

Jokes apart, I am not an Indian, but I always feel like one. She was literally a strange land for me, but Mother India took me into her arms as her own child and taught a lot about friendship, love, happiness, trustworthiness and so on..

Thank you India and Happy Independence Day. Jai hind!

RT

 

Things I learnt from my 2.75 years in Norway

FYI, I stole the header image from my brother. 

In papers I am a Norwegian (not bragging), but I never felt that way when I was living in India. Now I believe I have learnt a lot about this wonderful country and have been witnessing some weird crap as well. So this post is about what I think is typical Norwegian.

You know you’ve been in Norway for a while when you realise

  1. There is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing.
  2. Norway is rich as f***!! (I know I ain’t dumb, I know about this since the day I started to crawl, but I understand it completely, statistics-wise).
  3. You are obsessed with Football (not the American “Football”) and handball.
  4. You think it is cool to wear sandals with socks. (which is a disgusting combination, btw)
  5. You have more than one scarf.
  6. You have more than one hat/caps/beanies and at least one of them has those earflaps.
  7. It is a compulsory to take a trip to Vinmonopolet (The Wine Monopoly) on Friday evenings.

    vin
    A casual Friday evening
  8. You have lunch at 11 am and dinner at 3 pm.
  9. You panic when a stranger stares or starts to talk to you out of nowhere.
  10. Duty free booze is the reason all the uncles take the ferry to Denmark.
  11. Your punctuality is precise.
  12. You don’t fall over when walking on ice.
  13. You enjoy watching all types of ski tournaments.
  14. You enjoy the taste of brown cheese, lutefisk, pinnekjøtt or even smalahove (I ain’t a fan of these and I don’t wanna post the pictures of lutefisk and smalahove, my head started to spin when I saw those things, just google ’em).
    brunost
    Brunost (Brown cheese)

    R6yDbKG
    Pinnekjøtt ( Norwegian Christmas Special; Smoked, dried, salted lamb chops steamed over birch twigs).
  15. You don’t mind that you pay the same price for a 200 meters bus ride and for a 10 km bus ride.
  16. You worship the Sun
  17. You can be dehydrated during winter as much as you are in Summer.
  18. You leave the pub if you can’t find a seat.
  19. You can only buy your own drink at the bar even when you are with a group of people.
  20. 6 degree Celsius is mild temperature in the middle of May.
  21. English is the ‘non-official’ official language.
  22. You should not predict about the weather.
  23. Silence is fun.
  24. Solitude is fun.
  25. Your front door step is beginning to resemble a used shoe market.

    IMG_4682
    Front door step of my house.
  26. You have only two facial expressions, smiling or blank.

And the list goes on…..

My fellow Norwegians, if you find out I missed something, you are gladly welcomed to write about it in the comment section.

I do not follow about 79.53% from this list. I am realising, at this moment, that I am the wrong type of Norwegian.

RT

 

For the first time in my life, I am unemployed

…..since graduation.

After spending lakhs of Indian Rupees for college and a god damn degree, I could not find a job. I tried in India, but I am an immigrant there.  I moved to Norway, because I ain’t an immigrant here. But I feel like an immigrant since I don’t understand the first language (Norwegian) even though it is supposed to be my first language and people treat me as such.

I graduated in 2013 and I moved back to Norway in the end of 2014. I struggled to find a job, not just in my educational background but everywhere, and I almost gave up. So I started attending Norwegian Language course in the mid 2015. It almost costed my kidney. I have to pay gobs of money to attend the classes. After 6 months, I stopped this course, because I don’t wanna sacrifice my remaining kidney.

Last year around this time, I was called in for an interview. They liked me and they told me to wait for their phone call. I was very much excited because it was my dream to work there. But I am still crossing my fingers, so crossed that my fingers are stuck together since the interview.

It has been two and a half years since I moved here, but no luck. Ergo I am currently doing online courses in Digital Marketing and Photography, so that I don’t go completely melancholic (yes, I triple-checked this word in the dictionary before I typed), or worse suicidal (nah, jk) , and be active somehow.

According to the people surrounding me (drunk uncles, nosy aunties and the gossip girls), I am jobless and I am lazy. But, meh, I don’t give a crap.

Every job I have applied has at least 3 descriptions I don’t fit in. For example, they want an young engineer with 37 years of experience. Bruh, no young engineer is older than 25. And we might get a job experience if you GIVE US THE GOD DAMN JOB!!!

Unemployment-Problemsx

No job description says

  • Young
  • Skilled
  • Unemployed for years

(Let’s be real. I am very much qualified for this description.)

So I end up surrounded by 3 things: Phone, Laptop and candles. I literally sleep, wake up, eat and survive with my phone and my laptop. And candles, oh, that is just to show off that I had the best threesome with my laptop and my phone.

Nevertheless, I always look forward for my seven-day weekend every week. But sometimes, being unemployed is so stressful, I need a vacation so I can lay in a different bed for a while.

RT

Æ, Ø, Å….. bleh

I have lived in Norway for the past couple of years (apart from the first five years of my life where I don’t remember a god damn thing). I have heard about Norway when I was growing up in India from my parents and have read as well. And I was always fascinated about this country. Of course this country is amazing, but I have experienced which I can’t explain as well. So I am gonna discuss one among the thousands.

Getting fluent in Norwegian is a long and a bumpy ride (just like the roadways in some parts of India).  I either feel ” Yeah baby, I am damn good at it” or ” I AM USELESS!!” or I just laugh because I go mental. Who doesn’t like to hear “Du er så flink i norsk” (means you are so good in Norwegian) when your guts know you aren’t.

A, E ,I ,O, U, Y, Æ, Ø, Å.

These are the Norwegian vowels. Many foreigners (+ me) have a hard time with these, particularly between the Norwegian and sounds.

And another thing, Size really matters a lot in the Norwegian vowels. They are short and long sounds. For example: tak (roof) is a long sound whereas takk (thanks) is a short sound. But that’s a story for another day.

So I somehow get the hang of these friggin’ vowels, but I still struggle with those last 3 alphabets: Æ, Ø, Å. While I try pronouncing ’em, I feel like I was forced to puke as if I consumed too much alcohol (I’m a teetotaller btw).

Obtaining my engineering degree seemed easier than learning these vowels.

At the moment, I still ain’t fluent in Norwegian, but I pretend to be.

RT

 

Not all those who wander are lost

But ya I am lost. That is why I started this blog. I clearly don’t know what I am doing with my life at the moment.

Currently I am doing online diploma courses that is so not related to my bachelor’s degree.

My current obsession is with Game of Thrones (who doesn’t).

This blog is more like my personal journal (Nothing too private, because I don’t have a private life)

I, sometimes, apply irony and sarcasm in my language.

There is nothing exciting about my blog, I post random crap.

Or I may even forget that this blog exists. So if someone is reading, and found that I didn’t post for a while, call the police.

RT