FYI, I stole every picture in this blog post from the web.
I, along with my parents and my nuisance brother, moved from Norway to India when I was 5, for who knows why. I have learnt a lot of amazing stuff and, of course, some weird stuff as well. Here are a few things I learnt in India.
You know you lived in India for too long when you know/realise:
- You should always order soup 1 by 2. So that you get more soup than ordering one soup with an extra bowl.
- You save money by giving missed call. But you can spend 70k rupees on a Samsung Galaxy S8.
- Saying ‘Hello’ in telephone means “I can’t hear you”.
- If you want to spread a rumour, say “Don’t say to anyone”.
- You call a older person whom you never met before as ‘uncle’ or ‘ aunty’.
- You should starve yourself before you go to a buffet party.
- You can’t eat chocolate unless you use all your 10 fingers & your entire face.
- You should always see the price tag before seeing the dress.
- If there is a sale in anything, you should buy 100s of ‘em.
- Experts love their lab coats. They wear it all the fucking time. Because your trust is directly proportional to how white their lab coats are.
- You secure your baggage with a rope.
- Judge anyone and everyone.
- You can go when the traffic light is red or some one is crossing the street, but you should always stop your vehicle when a cow comes by.
- Politics is the top paying profession.
- You should avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex, especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 km radius.
- A horoscope must decide your wedding date and your wedding night.
- Your relatives alone could populate a town.
- You are not allowed to talk about your period to anyone, but your parents throws a god damn party when you get your first period.
- As a girl, for your entire life. you were taught not to talk to a strange guy, but you should spread your legs for some stranger on your arranged marriage wedding night.
- All aunties thinks it’s their obligation to turn into matchmakers in any party.
- Families hire pre-wedding detectives to snoop on prospective brides and grooms.
- Guys get easily friend-zoned, or worse, brother-zoned.
- A motorcycle can accommodate 4 people.
- You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school. (This is based on true story; several 1000 times; especially when my dad is drunk and is 3 AM)
- Speak English, kiss French, drive German, dress Italian, spend Arab, party Caribbean. Copy all this like a true Indian.
…and much more.. Let’s just say this is part one. This list contains like 12.38% of what I have learnt.
Jokes apart, I am not an Indian, but I always feel like one. She was literally a strange land for me, but Mother India took me into her arms as her own child and taught a lot about friendship, love, happiness, trustworthiness and so on..
Thank you India and Happy Independence Day. Jai hind!